Did you hear…

Hello Friends!

I have been busy with music, which is great! Working hard on my passion and reaching my dream of being a full time musician.  I am super grateful for all the support I get from friends and family! Thanks to everyone who buys or shares my music, and to all my drum students!

The New Dangerously Sleazy EP was released 8/23/19.  Grab a copy on Bandcamp or find us on Spotify, iTunes, Amazon, ect…

We had a great time doing some shows to support the release!  Our good friend Louie filled in for a show while Altair was busy seeing The Cure.  He did a killer job and it was fun to jam with him again. Thanks Louie!

My first recording with The Dale Crover Band was released last month too! It is part of a split 7 inch with Conan Neutron and The Secret Friends for his Protons and Electrons compilation.  I am still overly stoked and in slight disbelief that I get to play drums for one of the best drummers!!

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I have been getting some hardworking new drum students (and my veteran students are killing it as well.)  My time slots are filling up quick, but I still have a few open! Do you want lessons, or know someone who would like to learn?  Please send them my way!  I am trying to fill 9:30-10:30 PM on Tuesdays, 3-4 PM on Fridays, and 5-6 PM on Fridays. I give lessons in person in East LA, or on SKYPE!

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ModPods are almost done with the recording process for our next full length.  The songs are spectacular and I am stoked on how this recording is coming along.  We have been playing a handful of them live, and you can catch us on Saturday 9/14/19 at The Highland Park Bowl in Los Angeles.  We are also playing the Joan of Rock festival in Brisbee AZ on 10/19/19.

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In other life news, I am searching for a mini van, hoping that a fine working and affordable Toyota Sienna appears in my life soon. I also want a new snare drum!  I am getting ready to adopt a baby hamster and as always, giving Elvis the senior pup lots of love!

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New Album, New Interview, New Video!

Dangerously Sleazy has announced our EP release and Tour!!

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There is nothing I love more than playing the drums hard, fast, punk rock, in your face style! Dangerously Sleazy is where my drumming passion and power come out full force.  So, I am extra super stoked that our new EP is ready to be released August 23rd, AND we are doing some shows to support it.   If you haven’t taken the time to check out D. Sleazy, hit up our website and check us out now.

Dangerously Sleazy sleep apnea ... front

Our album “Sleep Apnea” will be available for download on bandcamp all over the globe starting 8/23/19, for those of you who can’t make it out to a show.

I was recently a guest on The Jyneration Nation Radio show!  Jyn is a killer drummer herself, so it was cool to get to talk about our passion together.

Last week Sleazy played The Redwood, and our friend Deb Frazin took some high quality footage of our song “Green Powered Energy.”  She also snapped some cool photos.

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Stay tuned for more Sleazy news, we have some interviews in the works to support our new release.

…AND don’t forget to hit me up if you need drum lessons!!!

PEACE FRIENDS!

Help me find a new Snare and listen to this interview!

I have a question for my drummer friends!! I am looking to get a new snare drum.  The one I have now is the basic wood snare that came with my Yamaha Stage Custom kit.  I am thinking I would like something metal? I play a lot of punk music, so something that has a lot of power and cut through.  What are some of your favorites for playing this style?

My price range would be around 250.  Send me some suggestions!

Tama Metalworks Snare Drum is one I saw at NAMM and really liked.

I was also looking at this  DW Black Nickle Snare

 

Also!!! I was recently interviewed on The Trap Set with Joe Wong.  It is one of the top drumming podcasts!!

The Trap Set Interview

 

 

It was a huge honor and I am grateful to be part of the list of amazing drummers he has had as guests on the show!  Listen to the interview if you haven’t already, and check out some of the other interviews he has done with other great drummers!  His episodes are always interesting and insightful.

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We discussed a lot about my childhood, and my childhood trauma.  Up until a few years ago, I rarely acknowledged what I went through or how much it affected me.  I locked a lot of feelings and memories away.  I started therapy a little over a year ago and it has helped tremendously.  I feel less guilty, I have processed a lot of grief that was kind of just stagnant inside me, that I pushed away as I tried to be tough and pretend it didn’t bother me as much as it did.

Drumming really is what helped me overcome the pains of my childhood and awkward teenage years, my issues with my step mother, and my lack of self esteem.  It gave me goals to focus on and work towards.  It was an outlet for anger, pain, sadness and depression.  It has been a driving force behind my path of healing from mental issues.  I didn’t really expect to talk about this so much, but I am glad I was able to express some of what I went though and show how drumming has been such a positive in my life.

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Hit Like A Girl- Supporting Women Drummers

Hey there friends! As you know, I live for playing drums. It is my favorite thing to be doing, and always cheers me up when I feel down. It is my therapy and creative outlet. It is what I do best.

Anyway, every year there is a special contest for girl drummers, called Hit Like A Girl.

I don’t usually enter, as I am not very competitive and also sometimes have trouble putting myself out there. Self esteem issues and feeling like I don’t deserve attention as much as others has always been a deterrent for me, but I am currently working hard to overcome these issues.

However, I was convinced to enter this year by a friend. Not so much trying to win, more so to get myself out there, and connect with and support other lady drummers.

There is a large community of women drummers, and it is wonderful to see them supporting and encouraging each other.

Especially when starting as a new drummer, it can be hard to share yourself with others. Fear of criticism can be a hard deterrent to overcome.

So I just wanted to share a link to my page on the Hit Like A Girl site. You can vote for me if you like, or just check out the video and bio.

As well, there are many other great ladies to support. It would be wonderful to check them out as well, and maybe leave an encouraging message for them. I am always impressed watching the category of young drummers.

Thanks for reading this, and thanks to everyone who supports me in my lifelong drumming journey.

Hit Like A Girl Page

Super Sunny Christmas Tour!

Redd Kross and The Dale Crover Band

I recently returned from an amazing tour adventure. Playing drums for The Dale Crover Band!! This is still kind of mind blowing for me. He has been a favorite drummer and influence of mine for years. I am very honored and grateful to be a part of this band.

Photo by Aaron Rubin

We did 12 shows in 15 days, opening for punk legends Redd Kross. Steve McDonald of Redd Kross also plays bass in the Dale Crover Band, as well as Toshi Kasai on keyboards and guitar. Dale plays guitar, and at some points in the set he plays a Tama stand up cocktail kit. I get to double drum with him which is CRAZY AWESOME!!!

The songs are great, and everyone traveling in the tour was a pleasure to be around. The most comfortable and drama free tour I have ever been a part of. I felt pampered sleeping in my own bed every night and getting to shower every day.

With Redd Kross in Seattle

There is a link to a full Dale Crover Band set below….

https://youtu.be/JSvND-XmiQ4   

We started in San Diego at The Casbah, a venue I have never been to but have heard so much about. It was a really fun night.

The next day, after a treacherous drive through dense fog in the the mountains, we rocked in Phoenix. I got to hang with my Sioux City homie Kim. She actually was the promoter who booked my first band’s first show ever! In the morning, Toshi hit his head on a tree and unintentionally decorated his jacket.

Next was Vegas, where we played the outdoor stage at the Beauty Bar. It was cold out, but I still wandered off to get myself some ice cream.

Sound check in Vegas

Ventura was a really great show too! My ModPods bandmates came out to that one. It was in a biker bar. Then we had a drive day and arrived at a lovely Air B+B that we stayed at for 3 days. A huge house, surround by nature. It was very cozy.

With ModPods in Ventura

The next day we played in Santa Cruz. This show ruled because Roy McDonald, a former Redd Kross drummer, showed up and him and Dale did Redd Kross double drums on a couple of songs!

Dinner in San Jose. Photo from Jason Sharpio

Next was San Jose. Buzz of the Melvins showed up, which was a pleasant surprise for sure! We all went out to dinner, and I believe the Basil Chicken I had that night was my favorite meal of the tour (BTW, this tour was filled with long drives where we only had time for gas station snacks, and due to post sound check time constraints, lots and lots of pizza.)

Holy Diver

The next day we were in Sacramento at Holy Diver. Earlier this year, ModPods played that venue opening for Melvins. So it was the one venue that I had been to before. In the summer, the back room was super hot. This time, it was a bit chilly.

We then had a two day drive up to Bellingham WA, where we stayed the night before heading into Canada to play Vancouver. Luckily we had a super easy time crossing the boarder, both ways. It is usually more of a hassle getting back into the US, but that went unusually smooth this night.

Then it was Portland!! This show was super fun, and a lot of people are big Dale Crover fans there!! The venue, Mississippi Studios, was really nice and comfortable, had great food, and the sound woman did a killer job! The whole Portland set is up on youtube for you to check out. https://youtu.be/JSvND-XmiQ4

We had a parking “situation” at 2am

At the hotel after Portland, we had a funny parking mishap, where the van/trailer got stuck around a car. We didn’t hit the car, but somehow the corner of the car was right between the van and trailer. A tow truck came and actually pulled the van and trailer sideways to get us free.

Redd Kross rocking a sold out show in Seattle

Seattle was next, and the show was sold out! I was very stoked to play here because I got to hang out with my best friend, and amazing drummer, Joe Ross! After our set, it was so crowded we couldn’t even get to each other through the crowd until the show was over. Luckily, we were staying right in his neighborhood, so he got to ride back with us and I got some quality hang time with one of my longtime hometown friends.

DCB in Seattle, photo by Andy P Photo

After another driving day we played in SF. It was my first time playing Slim’s and that venue is great. It is ran by the same people who run The Great American Music Hall, so we were treated very well. Lots of back stage room, snacks, and a great dinner.

Last show of tour. Photo by Toshi

The last show was in Tustin. Saw a lot of friends since it was so close to LA. My newest drum shredding student Heidi was there, and I also saw Tony and Meg from All Souls. Arrived back home at like 2am to my lovely boyfriend and dog Elvis.

With my drum student Heidi in Tustin

It was such a good time, I just wish it could have been longer. It was filled with lots of great memories and new friendships! Looking forward to doing it again. For now though, it’s back to the day job….until next time!!!! I can’t wait to make music my full time career.

Tour time!!

    I have some exciting news!! I will be doing a fun West Coast Tour this December, drumming for The Dale Crover Band!!

   We will be on the road December 5th through the 20th.  Opening for the legendary Redd Kross!! Check the dates, and get tickets at http://Www.reddkross.com/shows/

Check the dates!!

     Also! Before we hit the Road, Dangerously Sleazy will be doing a special show in Los Angeles on Friday November 30th,  aka MY BIRTHDAY!!!  So be sure to come out to The Airliner!!

http://Www.dangerouslysleazy.com

   Hope to see lots of friends during my holiday musical adventures. 

Saving the Day…light.

Oh Man! Today is my favorite holiday of the holiday season!! Daylight savings time “Fall Back” addition.

I have been looking forward to this one for at least a week and a half now.  Tonight it is here!!  It’s the perfect Holiday!

No social obligations surrounding it.   No need or expectations of spending money on gifts. Definitely not one of those commercial holidays.  Just that one precious extra hour that you are given by some weird Time God…but only after he steals it from you in the spring.

 

 

The Kung-Fu Panda Debacle

So, when I was attending Valley Community college earning my AA in Journalism, we had a movie review assignment.  During class, we watched the movie “Kung-Fu Panda,” and were told to write a review of it.

Well, part of me was kind of like “Why in the hell are college students reviewing a children’s movie?”  “What audience am I writing this review for?”  Plus, I was feeling sick that day, and slightly annoyed by the assignment.

Anyways, I wrote a review that wasn’t necessarily bad, a bit disgruntled maybe, but I thought it was pretty spot on and honest.  I basically didn’t say it was the greatest movie ever, and how it was mostly fat jokes.

The teacher would anonymously read writings out loud and ask the class’s opinion on the pieces.  Well, the class DID NOT like my “Kung-Fu Panda” review.  They were so shocked and offended that someone didn’t completely enjoy this movie, or had anything negative to say about it.  No one knew it was I who wrote this review.

I kind of thought it was hilarious how the whole class had their panties in a bunch over my review.  I told Manny about it, and now we occassionally joke about the “Kung-Fu Panda” review.  When we scroll past it on nexflix or whatever, he always says “Oh look, it’s your favorite movie ever!”

Well, I found the review on my computer and thought I would share it to see what you all think?  Am I really a monster for turning in a negative review of a children’s movie as a college assignment?

 

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On being me…

Sometimes…

I wish someone else could feel how I feel. Or that I could somehow explain it in a way that doesn’t sound all sappy or like I am just feeling sorry for myself, or just want attention.

I don’t feel sorry for myself, and I don’t want attention, especially for my horrible feelings.  I rarely ever share them.  I doubt I will even share this writing with anyone.

    I sometimes feel the way I am feeling right now; that I am just a joke to others.  That no one takes me seriously.  That if I didn’t make an effort and reach out to people, no one would ever reach out to me.  That no one really cares or values my feelings, my art and creations, me as a friend, or me as a human being.

   I feel like if any other human went through what I went through and told the story, that people would care. That people would respect their battle, understand it was hell and wasn’t their fault, that people would listen and validate their grief and trauma.

   I sometimes feel like when I tell people, they are annoyed, they didn’t want to know that, I should keep it to myself, how dare I ruin their day with such a depressing story, I doubt it’s even true.

   Below is something that I wrote a while back, but didn’t have the courage to actually share with anyone.  I wrote this on one of those days when a celebrity died by suicide and suddenly, for about a week, every one was posting about reaching out, be there for people, ect.  Sometimes it hurts even more that few people regularly reach out to me.

This is probably triggering…

   I am having a hard time and I need to just talk about shit and get it out today…but in my life there is no one who I feel I can really open up to.

   This is what I wish I had the courage to say to everyone…

   I don’t want to live with pain, grief, guilt, ptsd….no one does. I am actively trying to recover and resolve as much pain as I can and now that I have health insurance and can actually afford go to therapy, I have been.  I spend so much time and energy just trying to “be ok.”  I work really hard, take care of myself, do yoga, try to meditate, take medicine, occassionally battle through the PTSD, I make such an effort to not go down a bad path, be addicted to drugs, numb my pain with alcohol, ect…I really do as much as I can to be happy and not let this get to me. But sometimes it does. I mean, how the fuck would it not?

   Going to therapy is the 1st time I have fully told all the shit I went through to another person, and had someone tell me it is ok to cry, and that the emotions I feel are valid. Damn I needed to hear that. Growing up I got yelled at and shamed for crying…for having any feelings about this really. “Bottle it up, be strong, you can’t talk about that,” were what I was told as a kid. I better not burden anyone with hearing the shit I went though, and have now felt for 30 years.

Well….what is an even bigger burden than having to hear about what I went though….is actually going through it!!! And feeling like you don’t have ANYONE to talk to about it, especially as a child. For feeling completely isolated and alone in this your whole life.

That my family thinks I turned out great and they are “So happy that your happy.” Not being aware that just because things appear to be “going good” and you work hard and are kind of successful, that you must be completely fine and happy all the time and have such a great life.

My step mother, growing up she always had stuff to say to me though. Not until recently in therapy did I realize how emotionally abusive she really was. I was too mentally fucked from the age of four to even comprehend how much I was bullied BY A GROWN ADULT from the age six.

Growing up she would pick on me, and was manipulative and used what I went through to hurt and control me.

I lost my mom to suicide at 4. Stepmother entered my life at 6.

She, an adult woman, would tell me (starting at 6, a mere 2 years later,) things like…

“Quit crying, you don’t even miss your mom, your just a selfish brat.”

“If I was your mother I would have killed myself too.”

“Your so annoying no wonder your moms dead.”

And she constantly called me…a child…a manipulative liar, and that I had no emotions and no one should feel bad for me because I was a brat who deserved it.

Really I was a depressed child acting out… because I found my mom DEAD!! Because I knew from age 4 that my mother killed herself.  Because that day I also lost my home, toys, bed…everything. I lost it all in one shitty day. At age 4.

What the fuck is a kid gonna do? I had mood swings, I cried a lot, I was an angry and disgruntled child. I felt guilt, shame, anger, the full responsibility of her death, abandonment, grief, pain, shock…every horrible emotion you could think of…even some I still don’t have words for.

So yeah, I guess I’m sorry that trip to Disneyland didn’t magically solve all my problems, and from then on I got to hear about how I was an unappreciative little brat.

And It was pounded into my brain that I shouldn’t have emotions…I was just feeling sorry for myself, it was wrong to feel the way I felt, I should not tell people because it will just bum them out.

As a teenager struggling with depression, I asked to go to therapy. “There is nothing wrong with you, you just want attention,” was the exact words she told me. I felt guilty for wanting help and having pain.

The situation with my stepmother is very awkward.  I do have love and appreciation for her, she met my needs for food, shelter, ect.  She was not always mean, and was supportive and kind at times.  Then, when she was in a bad mood, I just felt like her emotional punching bag.  She spoke words to me that really tore me apart inside. 

And now here I am 30 years later, making a real effort to heal all this shit. I am very guilty of keeping it to myself, of pretending “I’m fine” “I’m OK”…yeah. I don’t reach out, I rarely ask for help or a friend to listen to my issues because I know it is hard to swallow.

BUT…it is also hard to live with, and that is what I do, every single day!

I guess since there were some celebrity suicides recently people are now talking about this for a week or two…posting things like “Reach out if your having trouble.”

You know what…it is the hardest to reach out when your having the most trouble. That is the sad truth of it all.

It’s because we are taught to “Be strong,” that our sad emotions are wrong and frowned upon by society. And so when we are feeling such deep pain and grief, we keep it to ourselves as to not burden others with it.

People are also saying to reach out to those who may be having trouble.

HELLO FRIENDS, I’M RIGHT HERE!!!

I know my friends that know me well know I went through this.

I am probably one of the saddest people you know. I am probably one of the most depressed people you know. Yes, they are 2 different things, and I feel them both so deeply, and fight the shit out of them. And I have done it alone for 30 years.

I have PTSD. I didn’t even realize or think that was something I had….it’s for other people, not me, I’m strong.  I am trying to admit it so I can better heal from it.

It’s like having to carry around a heavy monster on your back and randomly, not always and not predictable,  when someone mentions suicide, or brings up your mother, or references to you as if your mother is alive (Your mother must be so proud of you is probably the worst,) that monster punches you in the stomache as hard as he can.

Or that feeling you get when your almost in a car accident. It takes a while to go away too, even though your rational brain knows there is no real threat. I can’t always control these feelings.

I CAN control my responses, and asides from feeling like I put out this blast of awkward energy, I am good about appearing calm and you probably would not even know my heart rate just doubled, it hurts to breath, and my body is in high defense mode.

So yeah…the days when it is all over the news, are sometimes hard for me. It is also kinda hard when I feel like my close friends should know I went through and deal with this, but few reach out.

I guess that is my fault for being too strong, for hiding my pain so well, for being too successful, for not reaching out myself.

I am trying to admit I have trouble, and am not always “OK.” It should be alright to say your not doing well when your not doing well, right?

I guess when you find yourself wanting to be the person to reach out to someone…remember that have the burden of a well of painful emotions and my main outlet is beating the hell out of drums as hard as I can and as often as I can.

The more I talk the easier it gets, and I have gone a very long time without much talking. So someone offering to listen to my issues without judging my pain is always a very welcomed jesture.

If you are a friend who knows and has listened before, or wrote me just to say hello and ask how I’m doing….know that I remember and really appreciate it, and it means so much to me. Thank you.

Castrati

Sure, Catholic priests are having a hay day with the little boys nowadays, but remember like 130 years ago where cutting off boys balls before puberty to preserve their angelic singing voices was all the rage?

I don’t know, I am kinda on the fence with the Castrati.  Chopping testies for the sake of music.  I mean, I watched a documentary on them recently, it was pretty intriguing. There was the opera singer host, and you could tell his biggest letdown in life was that no one cut his balls off before puberty.  You could see his longing to be one of those unique operatic greats, or even just one of those poor unfortunate choir boys.

The show did some interesting, computer science/recording magic, where they took the voice of a young boy, the voice of a high range male, and blended them with the effects that would mimic the small vocal chamber and powerful lungs that occur when you chop the balls.

Then, as they all sat in the room together, listening to the computer generated Castrato, you could see tears welling in their eyes.  It was so cinematic and touching.

The young boy, you could see the longing in his eyes, praying that someone would just chop his balls.  A small price to him for the vocal greatness he so desires.  I don’t know if I would be that surprised if the kid actually did it to himself someday.  I mean…if someone really wants to chop off their balls, who are we to stop them?  At what age is a child old enough to decided the fate of his own testicles?  Would he need parental approval?

Ok, so I am not actually for the castration of young boys.  Sorry guys.  BUT… it could be a cool thing to do to an adult rapist, right?   (Maybe that could be how the Supreme Court jumps in frat boy Brett. I would love to see Ruth Bader Ginsberg do the honors.)

Watch the Documentary!